Dear You…

When you see yourself in the mirror and thinking about your dreams, thought, and feeling in midnight just like now. This post is not about something important to read, and I wish you’re not reading this too far as I wanted to write everything in my mind. I’m suffering a horrible feeling since I proclaim: “I’m completely moving on!” But, the feeling, an unstable wave in the ocean, still finding the equilibrium moment for fixing the unmatched side. Because in 7 days a row, every night, she comes to me in my dream. We shared together, laugh, and enjoy the day with joy and fun. I don’t know what the detail, what I know is I still thinking about her and I don’t expect too much; like she must beside me or etc. Feelings are raw, messy, and still kept inside.  I cannot enforce the reality that she didn’t feel the same. But I don’t know why I fall in love with her so deeply.

Yesterday, I realized that it’s been 1 year since we talk and chatting in BBM. It’s funny how we keep talking every night and day to share about everything, and after 1 year is a different condition. We often argue some silly argument we have had, and I feel that’s quite annoying and I think that’s not me! It’s an excited-guy who can’t control himself. 

I can’t talk “I love you” like others man so easily, because I prefer to show my feelings through actions other than actually using 3-magic-words. Instead of the typical “I love you,” I do care what you are doing there, what is your progress in this undergraduate thesis, about your research, etc. This is my way to show my expression. I kept talking with her dad in a very intense conversation, but every time I talk to him, I remember her. It’s weird, unusual, awkward, and confused. Because, it’s a different context and not related to her.

…but once you get the words out, you’d feel a lot better about it.

It has been a while since we’ve been away from each other. Last met with her in a short time in front of P24 room, she was sitting alone and I decided to go with her. It’s a rare chance for me as a long-admirer to talk with her. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can see her smiling like she did in Mocca concert and the shortest proximity of us, that is solace enough for me. And I woke up again and talk to myself, how lucky the man who possibly be to have her. 

These are feelings that I never knew existed and now I never want to lose these feelings, not even for a moment.

– Your lifetime admirer.

6 thoughts on “Dear You…

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